


With Friends Like These

by anarchycox



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward situations, Banter, Confusion, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Fade to black sex, Fluff, M/M, Minor Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Miscommunication, Nerd Merlin (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Past Merlin/Will (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Snark, bit of a secret relationship, characters in soppy gooey love, idiot friends but you love them anyways, increasingly absurd circumstances, minor leon/mithian, semi famous gwaine, the ha i told you moment, when he is honest no one believes him, will be the greatest of merlin's life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29493810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: A few months ago Merlin's 10 year on and off again relationship with Will properly ended. And yes he moped for a while, but the reason that he hasn't been going out with his friends is falling head over heels for Gwaine and being caught up in an epic romance. Finally one night when Gwaine has to work late, Merlin goes to the bar and sees his friends. Who are worried about him, deeply. He proudly tells them about his new boyfriend, waiting for their excitement.There is just one problem - they think he's made the new boyfriend completely up.Which yes, he supposes it does sound a little far fetched that working on his history of British medicine phd Merlin would be dating a professional football player, who models underwear and is a goodwill ambassador besides. But he is! And he can prove it, or he would if the universe didn't seem to be conspiring against him.A slapstick, cracky, fluffy story of what to do when your real life boyfriend sounds incredibly made up.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 112
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any football information in here was gathered in 45 minutes online reading, please just roll with any errors.

Merlin’s phone was vibrating, but he was content to ignore it. It was Friday night, and it would just be his friends insisting that he come out with them. And he was busy dammit. Or he was going to be busy shortly, he hoped. Gwaine swore that he should be free and would come over. The man had been so damn busy the last few days with interviews and settling in, along with extra practices to make sure he slid into the team well. Mid-season trades were a bitch. That was what Gwaine said, anyways.

The phone rang and he scowled for a moment, but then smiled. Because only one person on the planet called him. “Hey, fuckbug, why aren’t you here and naked on my couch?” he said without looking as he tapped answer, and put it on speaker.

“Oh, well I didn’t particularly think you would want me to be naked on your couch, but we did have that one summer at that commune so I suppose a little nudity in the family is fine.”

“Ma,” Merlin felt nauseous. He had said fuckbug to his mother. Because there were in fact two people who called. “I -” He cleared his throat. “And a good eventide to you, blessed Mother. Are you well?” 

Hunith’s snort was loud and clear through the phone. “Verily I am well, good childe. How ist thou?”

“Sorry about the fuckbug,” Merlin hunched in on himself.

“I’ve heard you call Will a lot of things over the years but not fuckbug. New term for getting back together?” She was trying to sound casual, but was clearly tense. He knew it had bothered her, how much he and Will had broken up and gotten back together over the years, but she had always supported him.

“It isn’t Will, Ma,” Merlin took a deep breath, “I uh, I’ve been seeing someone new?” It was the first time he had said it aloud. “I have a new boyfriend.” He smiled and wiggled a bit in his chair. “I have a new boyfriend, Ma, and he is kinda great.”

“And is that why you’ve been avoiding your friends?”

Merlin frowned, “How do you know I’ve been ignoring them a bit?” He paused. “Oh they did not. Tell me they did not.”

“Darling, I love you, but you do attract very loyal and loving morons.” 

“And they called you, worried about me.” Merlin sighed, and lay his head on his table for a moment. “Ma, how many of them?”

“My favourite was when Morgana sent a very long screed about how she didn’t actually care if you were dead in a ditch, but Gwen would, so you better not be dead in a ditch, and if you were, she would find a way to bring you back to life, kill you and leave you in a ditch. Gwen just asked if I knew how you were doing. Arthur is convinced we need some sort of intervention, Lancelot is ready to fight a duel for your honour. Elyan just wanted the recipe for my toffee pudding.”

“I love them, but fuck Ma, they are idiots.”

“Yes, but you know this about them, and are an idiot for going dark on them. What exactly did you expect?”

“Not them calling my mother, I am twenty seven! I am three months away from completing a thoroughly useless phd! I have an arrest record for fucks sake.”

“Darling, you were protesting, that is hardly an arrest record. I at least have destruction of property and vandalism on my rap sheet.”

“I love you, Ma.” 

“So, new boyfriend?”

Merlin nodded, even though she couldn’t see. “Yeah, about a month.”

“And already at the fuckbug be naked on my couch stage?”

“You were pregnant with me within a week of meeting Dad.”

“Just know how long it took you and Will to get your love on,” was her reply, “and a bit of a rebound relationship is not a bad thing.”

“I don’t think he is a rebound, Ma. I really like him, like really like him. He -” Merlin was trying to figure out how to say it. “He’s different than Will. I knew I would date again, but sort of figured they’d have a lot in common with Will, because I thought that was my type?” 

“Habit isn’t a type my love.”

“Yeah,” Merlin looked around his flat, that he had slowly been scrubbing all the Will out of, and figuring out what his personal taste was. There were a lot of plants, and some of them were even surviving. Weird pictures, random things he found, framed, and hung up. It was an organized mess, and it made him smile. Will had been a minimalist, which really how Merlin had survived that he honestly didn’t know. “He makes me laugh, Ma. And he looks at me like I am magic. Always going to love Will a bit, but fuck ten years of habit and closeness, not magic.”

“What’s his name, or should I call him fuckbug too?”

“Ma,” Merlin groaned. He had another call coming in, and this time it was the number he had expected. “Gotta go, he’s calling.”

“Go out with your friends love, so they stop calling me.”

“I will,” he promised and hung up on Hunith to answer Gwaine. “Hey, Gwaine.”

“Gwaine?” He could hear the puzzlement in his boyfriend’s voice. “Why are you calling me, Gwaine?”

“Because I thought you were calling earlier and said hey fuckbug - to my mother.” Merlin couldn’t stop smiling as Gwaine’s warm laugh came through the phone. “Yeah, it was great, babe. Really spectacular. So now I will be a bit more cautious when I answer the phone.”

“You could have actually looked at the number?”

“I was working,” Merlin huffed a bit, and looked at the books all laid out. “I have almost deciphered this recipe, it is interesting.”

“Oh?”

Merlin looked back to the books. “I think based on understanding some other tinctures, I am looking at a cure for crabs.”

“I’ve used that a time or two.”

“You probably don’t want this concoction. Unless you love rubbing dried goat urine on your junk.”

“Only on very special occasions.”

Merlin snorted. “When are you coming over?” There was silence. “Really?”

“I’m sorry, babe, but apparently I get to watch team footage to understand how our center midfielders work, since I get a bit too close to them.”

“But you have wings, you are supposed to fly around,” Merlin protested ready to defend his boyfriend. “They should get out of your way.”

“I really fucking love you, Merlin,” Gwaine said, “I’m stuck watching vids for a couple more hours. Why don’t you go out with your friends, you mentioned not seeing them much since we got together?”

“Are you psychic? My mother was calling because they were all calling her worried about me moping over Will.” He winced a bit. “Sorry.”

“Why?”

Because dating web pages said not to talk about your ex too much. Especially when you had been with that ex for almost ten years and your new boyfriend a few weeks. And your new boyfriend was vastly different from your old one. And Merlin still wasn’t sure what Gwaine was doing dating him considering the man’s general past and ability to land anyone he wanted. “Because,” was what Merlin was able to say when he realized that the silence was headed towards awkward.

“Merlin,” Gwaine sounded so soft, “it is all fine. Mention Will as much as you want. Lord, I just mentioned having crabs in my twenties. Be weird if you tried to pretend you didn’t have a grand decade long love affair.”

“You make it sound like it was more than it was.”

“But it was a lot, and I don’t mind hearing about it, just like you don’t mind hearing about the five way at that resort in Costa Rica I had eight years ago.” Merlin could hear someone calling for Gwaine. “I have to go. And so do you, out with all your friends. Have fun, get drunk and send me dick pics.”

“I am not sending you dick pics! If you want to see my dick, you can come over to my flat when you finish work.”

“Might do, might do. Later, babe.” Gwaine hung up and Merlin sighed. He closed up all his work and had a quick shower, put on clothes that were clean, which fuck he really had to do some laundry. He could stay in and do that, wait for Gwaine. But when he checked his phone, there were messages from all his friends basically saying they would descend upon him if he didn’t show his face. Arthur was threatening to file a missing persons report.

His friends were a pain in the ass and he loved them completely.

/I’ll be at the bar in twenty/ Merlin texted and pocketed his phone because he didn’t need to see their reactions. But then he quickly pulled his phone back out and took a photo of his fingers and sent it to Gwaine /when you stop paying attention to work think of my hand wrapped around your dick/. 

_Bastard like I’m going to pay attention now_

Merlin was pleased with that and headed to the tube station. When he got to the bar he sighed, because almost all his friends were at their usual corner table, clearly waiting for him. Elyan even kicked a chair out for Merlin to sit. He sat and Gwen handed him a pint, gave him a kiss on the cheek. And yes, they were all fucking idiots, but maybe he had missed them a bit. It had just been so easy to get caught up in Gwaine. “Hiya,” Merlin said and drank a bit of the pint. “So, what’s new?”

“Look, Merlin,” Arthur had his serious face on, which bugger when the man tried to be sincere it either came out pompous or adorable. “We understand how hard this has been for you, we do. But you can’t shut us out, you need to rely on your friends when dealing with trauma and heartache. Gwen, Gwen would hug you!”

Gwen in fact wrapped an arm around him, and Merlin leaned into her. Smelled that mix of smoke and sweet that always was in her skin from her work. “Thank you, Gwen.”

“The point is, we are here for you, and Will was not worth three months of moping,” Arthur thumped a fist on the table to prove his point. There were nods around the table in agreement, and Merlin realized that he should have been honest with them, that they would have supported him and saved him a lot of the confusion of the first couple weeks with Gwaine. 

He took a deep breath, “I haven’t been moping - I’ve been dating?” He winced at all the shouts and gasps that came around the table.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur was clearly unimpressed. “How are you dating? Why wasn’t I a chaperone? Where did you meet these men?”

Lord, save him. “Not men. One man, for the last five weeks.” There was a bit of quiet around the table.

Morgana looked at them, “Right, I am the one who has to say it? Fine. Fine I will say it. Fucking around and hooking up would be good for you. Can’t be healthy to have only banged one person. But one man? Merlin, are you sure that this is the right course of action? A serious relationship after what you’ve been through, might not be the best course of action.”

They were all looking at him with such concern and it made him feel both loved and a bit annoyed. “I wasn’t looking to date, and then he just came along, and yeah I was planning on just hooking up. I thought it was a hook up. And my first hook up was really good. Let me be clear, I was well pleased with the experience. Dear god, what the man can do with his tongues, his bloody stamina, his -”

“Thank you, Merlin,” Arthur was a bit pale, as he always was at the thought of Merlin and sex. He wasn’t a prude, well yes actually he was, but it was endearing. “But how does that equal dating?”

“He crashed hard after we finished round two, which that was a fun surprise a round two,”

“Oh baby, I bought you all those dildos and vibes,” Morgana said, “why haven’t you been using them?”

“Because they scare me, Morgana,” Merlin was blunt, “Boyfriend finds them hilarious though, he likes see how many he can stack on top of each other when I am working.” Elyan snorted at that and Merlin grinned, “Anyways, when I woke up, I heard him slipping out and was rather proud of myself for having a hook up. Decided to have a bubble bath, and was just settling in when he broke back in.”

“Broke back in?” Arthur shouted, “he broke into your flat, and this didn’t seem like a red flag?”

Merlin thought about it. “No?”

“Why not?” Arthur was turning red. “He broke in, Merlin! That is not right.”

“You break in all the time,” Merlin pointed out. “Will changed the locks three different times trying to keep you out. And Morgana. Wait, all of you break in.”

“I don’t,” Elyan offered.

“True, and I thank you for that.”

“Didn’t need to pick up the skill thanks to the rest of them.” 

Merlin decided to ignore that additional information, “So, frankly when he broke back in, I didn’t think much of it, because one of you has always let yourself in.”

“If you could take care of yourself, we wouldn’t have developed the habit, and not like Will was doing a bang up job of it,” Arthur was fuming, Merlin swore he could see storm clouds forming. “But a hookup breaking in is bad news. Did he hurt you? I’m rich enough I think I can get away with murder if he hurt you.”

“He had run to the corner shop, and bought stale muffins and mostly dead flowers,” Merlin said. 

“You are allergic to most shop flowers, why you like the 38 succulents you have in your flat,” Arthur crossed his arms, “So he was trying to kill you.”

“Jesus, Arthur,” Merlin groaned, “He was trying to be nice? According to him, one look at my face and he was enamoured.”

“Oh, Merlin, you sweet sweet precious lamb,” Morgana sighed, “they never mean it.”

Merlin kicked her a bit under the table, “He did. He brought the food and flowers and left his number, saying to call him.”

“That was very nice of him,” Gwen was rubbing her hand up and down his arm, “And I take it you did?”

“Fuck no, I thought he was being polite because no way did a man that hot actually want me to call him back.” Merlin finished his pint. “I’m getting another, anyone?”

“Not until you finish the story. How did not calling lead to being your boyfriend?” Gwen was looking eager, but she read romance novels by dozen and this was right up her alley. 

“I was reading in Gaius’s coffee shop, that end table that everyone knows is mine, and he came in. Saw me and just sat down and he was so happy to see me,” Merlin spun the empty glass about his hands. “I couldn’t understand why he was so happy to see me. He said he was new to the neighbourhood, job transfer, asked about the coffee at Gaius's, where to eat, and found myself taking him out to lunch. He said that he appreciated that I didn’t seem to care about who he was. Which I didn’t because I didn’t understand who he was and all that. And lunch turned into a walk through the area show him where stuff was, and that turned to dinner, and that turned into more sex, and just yeah, now I have a new boyfriend. And I’m getting another pint.” Merlin took his glass to the bar and checked his phone. There were no messages from Gwaine, which meant the man had either buckled down to work or had fallen asleep at work. 

“Merlin!” Lancelot came up to him at the bar, and gave him a big hug. “You made it out, finally.”

“I’m not going through it all again,” Merlin warned. He looked at the telly over the bar and smiled. “Look,” he pointed. The sound was off but subtitles were on. And it was an interview with Gwaine. 

“Yes?” Lancelot frowned, “the crawl about insulin there?”

“No, Chelsea F.C.,” Merlin replied and he frowned as he read the subtitles, “Are they saying Gwaine was a bad trade? What the fuck, he’s played two games! Too much money for a man with only a few years left? Excuse me? What the shit is that?” Merlin scowled at the telly. “Bastards.” He didn’t noticed Lancelot backing away and was still fuming because how dare they talk shit like that about Gwaine, he was brilliant. Maybe. Merlin still hadn’t been able to focus for a whole match yet. He put it on as white noise while he worked hoping he’d eventually understand it. He went back to the table and they were all still looking worried. “What?” He sat down. “I swear my boyfriend is fine. Maybe it is rebound, maybe it is true love, I don’t know. And I like not knowing.”

“No, we don’t care about that right now,” Morgana leaned forward, “were you just commenting on football?”

“Yeah?” Merlin shrugged, “I’m trying to learn it.”

“I’ve played as long as you’ve known me, and you haven’t cared. Leon for fucks sake almost had a shot to go pro.” Arthur looked very tetchy as he complained.

“Where is Leon?” Merlin asked, hoping that would change the direction of the conversation.

“Mithian is sick, and he stayed home to rub her feet, and be all loving supportive husband,” Morgana sneered a bit. “Twat.”

“Yes, it is so awful caring for your partner,” Gwen smiled at Morgana and Merlin snickered at the oh shit look on Morgana’s face. “Merlin, does your new boyfriend like football and that is why you are trying to learn about it?”

“Yeah, he plays, and he read Culpeper’s Complete Herbal to impress me, so at least I could try to not fall asleep watching one match to impress him.”

“But Chelsea, you have to have better taste than that,” Arthur protested.

“Oh right, having a favourite team is a thing isn’t it?” Merlin winced. “Like a big thing.”

“It is,” Elyan agreed, “You cheer either for your local boys, or who your father cheered for, those are the rules Merlin.”

“My dad didn’t follow football he was too busy finding himself in Nepal,” Merlin pointed out, “and I have no idea who my local team was, so might as well cheer for the team that my boyfriend is for.”

“Your boyfriend cheers for Chelsea?” Arthur was frowning, “I don’t like him.”

“I don’t actually know if he cheers for Chelsea. Do you have to cheer for the team you work for?” Merlin pulled out his phone and texted Gwaine. He got an answer pretty quickly, “He cheers for the Bohs whoever they are.”

“Bohemian F.C., oldest team in Dublin, won League of Ireland ten, no eleven times,” Arthur answered automatically.

“Nerd,” Merlin scorned, “But yeah, he cheers for the Bohs, and I cheer for Chelsea.”

“Because your new boyfriend works for them, that is adorable,” Gwen said. “Head office, yeah? An accountant?”

“What no? Why would I date an accountant, they are incredibly boring.”

“Wasn’t Will an accountant?” Elyan asked and Lancelot confirmed it.

“Office manager technically,” Merlin added, “No, I’m dating Gwaine. Greene.” He looked at them, and they were all staring at him blankly. “See, ha! I told him it wasn’t that weird that I didn’t know who he was. Arthur knows everything about football and he doesn’t know who Gwaine is. I was right, he isn’t that big a deal.” Merlin was feeling quite smug. But the stares were slowing morphing away from blank. “What?”

“Gwaine Greene,” Arthur said slowly. “New left wing back for Chelsea, Gwaine Greene. The man who could reshape their whole defense if the midfielders would actually let him move Gwaine Greene? The man who has reminded everyone that that is actually a valuable position on the pitch Gwaine Greene?”

“He was bitching about the midfielders earlier. He’d going to like you.”

“Doesn’t he model for Burberry?” Morgana asked, “I swear I’ve seen him in underwear on a billboard.”

“You have,” Merlin nodded. “He pointed out his photo at a bus stop to me the other day. He was modeling a coat, with no shirt - it looked stupid.”

“Isn’t he Ireland’s goodwill ambassador for the special olympics?” Lancelot asked.

“I didn’t know that one, shit why does he keep getting better and better,” Merlin groused. “Fuck, he probably has a wikipedia page doesn’t he?” Merlin typed on his phone. “He does! Well shit, he was serious about being a big fucking deal wasn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Elyan answered, “I don’t even care that much about footie, but I know who he is.” 

“That’s why I’ve been missing the last five weeks, I’ve been dating Gwaine Greene,” Merlin said, relieved that it was all finally out in the open. “He’s actually all sorts of brilliant. Goofy and charming, and really clever.” Merlin took a deep breath ready to tell them everything about Gwaine. But they were all looking so concerned and worried. “What?”

“Merlin,” Morgana even looked worried, which that was fucking terrifying. “We love you.”

“Jesus, fuck, am I dying?” Merlin was really scared now. “What the fuck?” Gwen was squeezing his hand, Lancelot had his supportive but worried face on. “Am I dying?”

“No, but just, you don’t have to make shit up, to have us think you are okay,” Arthur said.

“Huh?”

“Merlin, really, making up a fake boyfriend?” Arthur shook his head. “You are hurting from the break up with Will, that is completely understandable. But this is not the right coping method. Especially with saying it is Gwaine fucking Greene.”

“That was his nickname for more of his early twenties,” Merlin said, “How would I know that if I wasn’t dating him?”

“It is a running joke of his when he is on chat shows,” Lancelot said.

“Yes, but how would I know that?” Merlin countered.

“Mate, you are finishing a history phd, you know how to research.” Elyan clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to lie like this to us. We have your back, yeah?”

“What the fuck is going on?” Merlin looked around the whole table. “I’m dating Gwaine. Five weeks now. It is brilliant.”

Gwen hugged him, like he was fragile. “Oh sweetie, we all get our little celebrity crushes. Morgana really likes Cate Blanchett. Arthur likes -”

“That isn’t important,” Arthur interjected. “What is important is getting Merlin to understand that making up a fake boyfriend - especially a famous one is a weird 11 year old girl move and he is going to stop it. And let us, well you Gwen, help him emotionally cope with the end of his long term relationship with his first boyfriend.”

“I -” he looked around the table. “I swear on my book collection, I am dating Gwaine.” And he could see not a one believed him. “I am!” And the looks just turned to pity. His phone beeped and there was a pic of Gwaine leaning against his door. “Here, look, picture of Gwaine waiting at my flat for me right now!” He held out the phone, and waited smug.

“It died, Merlin; you forgot to charge it again,” Lancelot smiled. “We love you, no matter what.”

“I am going home now, to get fucked by Gwaine, and once my phone is charged, I will send you all photos of proof, so that you will fucking believe me - like true friends would.” There were a couple winces, but clearly they still believed he was making it up.

Merlin went home, and Gwaine was sitting on the ground against his door, looking gorgeous and clearly dozing. “Hey, fuckbug,” he said as he crouched. Gwaine slowly opened his eyes. “You are proper famous, I found out tonight.” Seeing Gwaine in magazines was one thing, or even the telly interviews, but having his friends know who Gwaine was, was the big clincher on that.

“I guess, a little, like I said. In certain circles.”

“And you are mine,” Merlin couldn’t quite fit those pieces together, but Gwaine was giving him that smile, the one that had all that softness and awe, that belief that Merlin was magic and everything the man could ever want. “Spend the night?”

“Yes please,” Gwaine held out a hand, and Merlin hauled him up. 

They went into the flat and Merlin was distracted enough that he forgot to charge his phone or take any pictures of them together.


	2. Chapter 2

“Wait, they really didn’t believe you?” 

“Nope,” Merlin looked at the bowl in front of Gwaine. “Wasn’t my milk gone over?”

“It was,” Gwaine agreed. He took another bite of the cereal, and Merlin tried to remember just how old that box of cereal was because he honestly couldn’t remember buying any, and if he had bought cereal it wouldn’t be advertising all its healthy ancient grains, it would have a cartoon animal on it swearing there is something healthy under all the sugar.

Arthur.

Merlin rolled his eyes a bit and checked the cupboard, and sure enough most of the groceries he had bought had been traded out for things that advertised keeping you regular and no gmos and all sorts of crap. He went behind the false back on a shelf and found the Tim Tams with a _love, Gwen_ note on them. He tore open the pack and began to dunk them into his coffee. “So, if my milk was south what is wetting that gross looking cereal.”

“My coffee, saved dirtying a dish too.” Gwaine just kept eating and reading on Merlin’s laptop. 

Merlin watched him in fascinated horror. He took the bowl away from his boyfriend and sniffed it. Yup, that was granola cereal with coffee. “How are you still alive?” he asked in wonder.

“You are eating tim tams for breakfast. This table, at the moment, is a judgment free zone.”

Merlin dunked another in his coffee because that was a fair point. “I thought athletes were all my body is a temple and that shit.”

“Hmm,” Gwaine looked up and grinned, and Merlin stuck out his tongue because the man was too unfairly gorgeous for just woken up and eating granola coffee. “Care to worship at the temple, Merls?” He leaned back and stretched, and yes Merlin was really tempted. He should take a picture. Fuck, a picture.

“Stay exactly like that,” Merlin ordered and ran for his phone. Which was dead, bugger it all. It took him a couple minutes to find where he had left the cord, and plug it in. But the laptop had a camera, that could work. He went back to the kitchen and Gwaine was still sitting all stretched like Merlin had told him to. “You could have moved.”

“You told me to stay still,” Gwaine replied. He looked over at Merlin, “I like doing what you tell me to do.”

“Fuuuuck Gwaine, I have to go and T.A., you can’t say things like that.” Merlin turned on the camera on the laptop. “Let me take your picture, so that they’ll believe me.” The little light was on and when he hit enter to take the photo, Gwaine had reached out and pulled him into his lap. “Gwaine!”

“Bet you have just a little bit of time before you have to go in,” Gwaine was then kissing his neck, and photos and bad breakfast choices were forgotten.

*  
Merlin heard his office door open and looked up. “I can get my own lunch you know.”

Arthur shook his head, “you always forget to eat on office hours day.” He gave over a thermos of soup and a salad. “Eat.” He sat in the awful chair that no students used anyways. “Let me give a grant to the department to give you a real office.”

“I’m done in three months, Arthur, hardly serves a purpose now.”

“You were talking about a post doc.” Arthur pointed, “Eat, it is that lemon grass soup you like.”

“Did you make it?” He opened the lid and it smelled like heaven. He would have started just right from the thermos but Arthur huffed and gave him a weird disk that turned into a bowl and a spoon. “Thanks.”

“Post doc?”

“No,” Merlin shook his head. “I don’t know what I want to do.” He looked at Arthur. “I kinda right now hate everything about school.”

“That makes sense, you’ve been at it for a long time. You need a break.”

“If I take a break right now, I won’t finish and I cannot be this close and not finish.”

“Your graduation gift from me is a vacation, anywhere you want,” Arthur said. “A castle, a cabin in the woods, private island. No, not a private island, you burn if the sun so much glimpses your skin. We’ll figure out where we are taking you.”

“We?”

“Like we trust you to travel alone.”

“I’ve traveled, Arthur. And besides, if it off season, Gwaine would maybe go with me. When is the off season for football?” Merlin dipped into the soup and it was brilliant.

“Merlin, really? I get it, it was a gag and it was hilarious, but it is just you and I, no gang to wind up. You don’t have to play at this.”

Merlin glared at Arthur, “I am not playing, you fucking numpty, I am dating Gwaine Greene.”

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed and his name came out in that Arthur is annoyed and holding onto his patience way it did sometimes, big inflection on the first half of his name. “Enough, it is a stupid joke besides anything else.”

Merlin went to his text chain with Gwaine and handed it to Arthur. “There look.” He tried the salad and it was gross, there were pine nuts in it and some sorts of seeds. He put the lid back on and focused on the soup. He waited for a humble and heartfelt apology from Arthur, and his brain pointed out that would take the form of a grunt and off hand comment about how it was Merlin’s fault they didn’t believe him. Instead Arthur was just looking at the phone, and his eyebrows kept climbing. “Oh fuck, no Arthur don’t scroll up.”

Arthur paled and then flushed red. “You were sexting. And now I have actually said the word sexting!”

“You were just supposed to see the photo of him, why did you scroll up?”

“The photo showed hair and a forehead against your door.” Arthur winced, “I think I saw your dick.”

“Might have been his?” Merlin tried to remember what photos had been exchanged. “But you saw him. He is right there. His name is right there.”

“No it says Fuckbug for his name, which charming that. And no clear photos of anyone. Merlin, fine, I will concede you have a…booty call with a gentleman going on. But why are you pretending it is Gwaine Greene?”

Merlin looked at his phone and sure enough it said fuckbug not Gwaine. Bloody hell, when had he done that? Or maybe Gwaine did as a joke; which begged the question how did Gwaine figure out his pass code. He’d have to look into that. Still, Arthur had admitted that Merlin was dating someone. Wait, no he hadn’t. “He isn’t a booty call, he is my boyfriend. A really great boyfriend. He didn’t judge me for my morning Tim Tams.” He shouldn’t have said that. Merlin quickly focused on the soup and finished it. “I have papers to mark, and you have to go be a captain of industry.”

“Tell me at least you had some pro-biotic yogurt, or a banana with the tim tams.” Arthur packed up the leftover food and dishes. Merlin looked at the little cooler Arthur had brought it all in and smiled a bit. His friends were morons, but god they loved. “Did you take your vitamin d?” 

“Yeah I sucked off Gwaine this morning. Bit weird you asked, and you meant the supplements you left me and not dick.” Merlin smiled at him.

“You did that on purpose,” Arthur glared. “And I am not talking to you for three days now.”

“Oh no, the horror, the horror. I will wither away and die without your kind and gentle words in my life.” Arthur just flipped him off and left to go buy a company or a country or whatever it was he actually did, and Merlin settled in with his marking. Which he debated ignoring but then he would have to edit his thesis. He flipped a coin which meant marking and got down to it for a couple hours until his brain started leaking from his head. Merlin stood up and felt a few bones crack, he needed to get back to doing yoga.

Plus side he bet Gwaine would appreciate him all bendy and stuff. He decided to head to Gwen’s because if someone was going to believe him, it would be her. He arrived at her forge and could hear the loud music pouring from the art space she shared with a bunch of other people. He let himself in and waved to a couple of the other artists as he made his way through to the back where Gwen was pounding some metal insanely thin. He sat on a stool and watched her work. There was always something incredibly soothing watching her work, the surety in her hands, the chink of hammer on whatever she was working on. It looked like bronze and he leaned forward a bit.

“Copper,” she shouted over all the noise. “New crown. Twisted and cruel that will oxidize over time. Show the madness of the queen that wears it.”

Merlin snorted, “Right, Morgana’s birthday is coming up.” 

“Ha ha,” Gwen said and slowly bent the thin metal. She nodded a bit, pleased with the work and set everything aside. She pulled a bottle of water from her fridge and leaned against him. She smelled like sweat and bergamot. Had used Morgana’s shampoo instead of her usual cup cakey smell. “Just wanted to visit?” 

“Wanted to talk to you,” Merlin said. He took the water from her and drank some of it. “I need your help.”

“Of course, anything love. Finish the tim tams?”

“No, well I mean I am almost done, but no that isn’t it.” Merlin stood up and went to her shelves that had projects that ranged from barely started to almost done. He picked up a torque that looked hundreds of years old and modern all at the same time. He moved through the stuff picking it up and putting it down. “Arthur, I need your help with Arthur.”

“The goji berries?”

“The what?”

“You haven’t checked your fruit and veg crispers have you? You need to make an attempt at the food groups, Merlin. You know how he worries.”

“I’m twenty seven! I almost have a phd! I speak four languages, I can take care of myself.”

“When did you last eat...say an apple?” Gwen came over and took his hands so he’d stop mucking about. “Can you remember?”

“Yes, actually I can.” Merlin did know the answer to this. “Last week. Gwaine loves apples. We went to the market and he bought some. I like apples when you dip them into a whisky cream.” Gwaine had made the cream and it was bloody brilliant. During the season, Gwaine didn’t drink very much, just little treats like that. “So hah.”

“Still the Gwaine story?”

“Yes and that is what I wanted to talk to you about. I do have Arthur convinced I at least am fucking someone regularly, but he wouldn’t believe it was an actual boyfriend, and definitely wouldn’t believe it is Gwaine Greene. But if you believe me, which I know you do, then you should be able to convince him. On account of the whole he actually listens to you. Voice of logic and reason and all that.” Gwen was giving him that look though, the one she had when Morgana tried to explain how no really this time the arrest really wasn’t her fault.

It was the I love you and will support you, but in no way shape or form will I believe you, look.

It was an incredibly specific look.

Usually only directed at him when he tried to pretend he had eaten some broccoli. “Gwen, you do believe me that I’m dating Gwaine Greene.”

“Merlin it just is a little…far fetched.”

“It is completely near fetched,” Merlin protested, “it is fetched. Been fetched. Here is the fetch.” He held out the phone to show the texts. “See picture of him. Well, his forehead. And if I scroll up a bit more his dick. If you want to see.”

“Sure.”

“No, my dick. Only me, his team mates, and well I guess anyone who google searches that one ad for the European market where he was wearing the underwear while all wet.” Gwen tilted her head and reached for her phone. “Oi, google it after. The point is, actually no wait. Google it now, because they you will see outlines and can compare it to the dick pic in my phone which I will generously share this once, and fuck I'll apologize to him after I shared it without his consent, and thereby have proof that I am dating Gwaine. By some solid, Sherlockian, dick analysis and fuck I sound like a crazy man there, don’t I?” Gwen nodded a bit. “Can you still look at his dick?” Merlin shook his head. “No, yeah never mind. Gwen, can you just believe me, please that I am dating him?”

“Of course Merlin. If you say you are, I will believe you.” 

There was a hug and it was a great hug, because all Gwen hugs were great, but he knew that she was just trying to make him feel better. And her next words proved it. “I know how hard it must be to be without Will, and if this helps you for right now, that is completely okay, love. We all cope in strange ways with big changes in our life, and you need us to support this -”

“If you say delusion, it won’t go great,” Merlin had to warn her. 

“This story, then it helps. We’ll be here for you no matter what, you know that right?” There was another hug, and he leaned into her a bit. “And a fuck buddy could be really good for you.”

Merlin sighed, “He is my boyfriend, not a fuck buddy. I wouldn’t be this determined to get through all your thick skulls if it was just a bloody booty call.”

Gwen just sighed a bit as well, “Merlin it is just you were with Will for ten years and no we never did quite warm up to him, and it was perhaps a bit of our fault that the relationship wasn’t what it could have been.”

“Gee, bit your fault?” Merlin rolled his eyes a bit. “The break ins, the pranks, the Morgana, no wasn’t really your fault.” 

“Mithian was nice.”

“Actually her data analysis of all of you scared him, he figured she was secretly a serial killer and all the general insanity of the rest of you was a cover for that.” Merlin thought about it. “God, Gwen, I love him but how the fuck was I with someone that dour and grumpy for ten years?” That thought brought him to his main point. “Gwaine makes me laugh, Gwen, and when I tell him stories of all of you he thinks it all sounds brilliant and fun, not _you shouldn’t always count on Arthur’s money to get you out of trouble._ And he is really good in bed. Not that Will was bad but well -” Merlin flushed a bit. “Gwaine is…worldly and is very good at practical application of that worldliness.”

“You know, you would solve all the problems if you brought him to the bar,” Gwen pointed out.

“He doesn’t drink a lot during the season, and often working on bar night. But I bet there is a night he is free. Fuck, right, why didn’t I think of that?” Merlin kissed her. “Brilliant as always.”

“There that is solved isn’t it? Because if you are dating him, and he is as in love with you, he won’t have any problems meeting for a pint one night. Lancelot is on days the next few weeks so shouldn’t be a problem for him to join us.”

“Excellent. Make sure you look up his dick though in those ads. Really tasteful almost nudity.” Merlin had a spring in his step as he headed home. He went through his fridge and found the goji berries and few other things that frankly terrified him and in the chill chest there were pizza pockets hidden in a box advertising frozen pre made smoothies. “I love you, Gwen.” They had three different types of meat in them. “Correction, I love you Elyan.” He set them to cook and texted Gwaine about good pub nights to meet his friends.

There was a list of dates sent and he picked a couple and eventually Wednesday next week was agreed upon. Merlin put the pizza pockets on a plate and turned the telly onto the sports channel. “I’ll show them, I’ll show them all!” He did an evil laugh and bit into the food and cursed as the volcanic inside burned his mouth. He cursed and cursed but stopped when he saw Gwaine’s face on the screen.

“I’m settling in well, Chelsea has been incredibly welcoming, and team cohesion is coming along well.” Gwaine smiled at the camera. “I think that if we push hard we should have a very interesting and exciting end to the season. I’m really chuffed to be a part of the team.”

“And how are you settling into London?”

“Better than I could have expected,” Gwaine’s smile grew, “I am having a very good time. Could even say I have fallen in love with several aspects of it.”

“What sort of aspects?”

“The gardens are brilliant for runs, especially if you know the medicinal properties of some of the plants, which I have been learning. All sorts of things to learn in London. Love learning new things. New people.”

“Thank you, Mr. Greene, best of luck tomorrow night.”

“Thanks. Hey babe,” Gwaine looked at the camera, “You see this, eat some vegetable matter.”

“Babe?” the reporter was nonplussed, “I thought you were single.”

Gwaine just winked at the camera, and went back into the locker room.

Merlin finished his supper and ate two carrots. He texted everyone but no one had seen the interview. But that was fine. Next Wednesday they would meet Gwaine and have to eat some fucking humble pie. It would be perfect, and he would enjoy every second of it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Gwaine.”

“I know.”

“Gwaine!”

“I KNOW!”

Merlin leaned against the outside wall of the pub. “Gwaine,” his voice was soft, sad.

“I know,” Gwaine groaned, “I am so fucking sorry, Merls. Look, no, I am making it.”

“No you aren’t,” a voice could be heard.

“Who was that?” It sounded familiar.

“Percival, but he is wrong, I am fine.” Merlin could hear Gwaine cursing, “fine. I’m fine. I’ll be there shortly.”

“What happened?”

“I zigged when I should have zagged, have a bit of shredded skin on my shin, took a bit more impact on the bad knee than I should have. Percival is patching me up, and I’ll be good to come over.”

“You have another forty minutes of ice and heat, you oaf. You are doing that and then I am getting your arse home. Right now, I am not sure I am clearing you to play on Friday!”

“Oh fuckbug,” Merlin groaned, “want me to come to your place, and help your healing process?”

“Absolutely,” Gwaine replied.

“No!” Percival said sharply, “No fucking. He is going to actually heal.”

“Happiness releases dopamine which aids the healing process,” Gwaine tried to sell it, but Percival clearly hung the phone and Merlin sighed. Fuck, this was not going to help his case at all. He took a few deep breaths and went in the bar. The whole group, even Mithian was there and she had previously sworn that she could only handle them in groups of three or less except when it was Leon’s birthday or the big Christmas bash. He went over and kissed her head.

“Happy to see you, love,” he said.

“Where’s my kiss?” Arthur demanded and Merlin shrugged and went to kiss him, and had to laugh at the grossed out face that Arthur made. “I wasn’t serious.”

“I know,” Merlin grinned and then sat next to Gwen as he always did. “So bit of bad news, Gwaine can’t make it.” And there were the looks of pity that he expected. “He fell at practice and Percival is plucking turf out of his skin and icing the dodgy knee. They are hoping that Gwaine will be able to play Friday but he has to rest up until then.”

“Percival?”

“Percival Wilson, head physical therapist for Chelsea. Early career in pro wrestling, could have made it to the WWE, but elected to retire and get his therapy degree, ended up with a few teams, been with Chelsea a couple years now,” Arthur recited. Merlin just looked at him. “I looked up the whole operation.”

“And memorized it?” Merlin glared at him.

“You know when it interests me, I retain it whether I want to or not,” Arthur snapped.

“It is really annoying that your idiotic ass isn’t actually idiotic,” Merlin grumbled because it would have made his phd so much easier if he could retain the way Arthur did.

“My brother is an idiot but he isn’t stupid,” Morgana sounded almost proud, “it is really annoying. I debated poisoning him to make him lose a few I.Q. points but realized that it wasn’t worth the work.”

“Or the legality of poison?” Lancelot asked and Morgana waved a hand dismissing what to her was a minor detail. No one mentioned that Uther had died of a heart attack due to allergic reaction. They were all mostly convinced it was a tragic accident. And happy to ignore the topic. Will hadn’t exactly been happy that Morgana was about 18% likely a murderer, but it never bothered Merlin really. He had only met Uther a handful of times, but that was a man the world, that Arthur, was better without. “Merlin, about Gwaine,” Lancelot began.

“He is really my boyfriend, and look if he plays on Friday you’ll see his injury and know I was telling the truth - and how would I know about the injury now unless I heard it from him?” Merlin was sure they couldn’t argue that.

“Because he tweeted about it an hour ago?” Leon said. He winced, “Sorry Merlin, but when you started with this delusion - _Ow Gwen_ \- story, I meant to say embellishment that is helping you cope with the trauma of Will - _ow Mithian_ \- of the end of a relationship, I started to follow Gwaine on social media to track what you might say - _ow Morgana_ what was that kick for?”

“They got to kick you, why shouldn’t I?”

Merlin nodded that was a fair point really, you couldn’t bring pain into the mix and not let Morgana enjoy it. And the fact that he kept having these thoughts might have been a part of what Will had meant when he said the group was not good for balanced mental health. But he was a bit sidetracked because of an implication in there. “I dumped him, you know that right?”

There were lots of supportive nods and smiles and he glared, “You don’t believe that either, huh?” The faces went sheepish. “You know what, fine I don’t actually care about that one, because you don’t know everything about me.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Arthur, if you knew everything about me, you’d know my favourite colour.”

“Silver.”

“My favourite album.”

“Sinead O’Conner I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got”

“Favourite underwear.”

“The grey polka dot boxers.”

“Favourite sex position.” There that would stump the bastard.

“I really fucking hate that I know this, but you like to ride guys sitting up against the headboard or on a chair, and I just threw up in my mouth saying that.”

“Ha! Gwaine does the riding most of the time right now.” Arthur was pale and had to drain half his pint, but the man had been near enough to right. “If you know everything about me, then you know that I am dating Gwaine Greene.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t,” Arthur shrugged, “I know when you are lying, because I know everything about you. And you are lying.”

“Arthur,” Merlin smiled and Lancelot was smart enough to slide his chair out of the way, shift away from Arthur. “Do you know that I can take a whole hand up my arse?” His smile was vicious. “Done it now, with Gwaine. Took almost an hour of prep and so much lube, but he was patient, each finger slowly opening me, swear he does finger exercises just to make sure that I feel good.” Merlin stood and leaned over the table. “Let me tell you, Arthur, how it feels when Gwaine is buried to his wrist inside my ass. Let me tell you in very vivid detail.” He watched Arthur’s skin bleach white, and the man had to run away outside to get some air.

“That was cruel, Merlin. You know how he is,” Gwen chided.

“Fuck that was beautiful, I am buying you a drink,” Morgana added.

“I’m leaving,” Merlin didn’t say goodbye or try to convince them again. When he stepped outside, Arthur had his hands braced on his knees and was breathing slowly. Merlin stopped and rubbed his back for a moment. “I’m not sorry, because if you believed me like a good friend would, this would all be fine.”

“I am a good friend, I’m your best fucking friend, and that is why I don’t believe this. Because I know you better than anyone. Even Will.” Arthur straightened up. “Because if you believed you were dating Gwaine Greene, I would see it in your eyes. And I am sorry, Merlin, but I don’t.”

“Huh,” Merlin frowned and thought about it a bit. “That is actually a really interesting point. Okay, yeah, yeah I need to do some self reflection.” Because Arthur was right, there was perhaps a small part of Merlin that didn’t really believe that Gwaine was dating him. And Arthur did know him well enough to see that doubt and then extrapolate it into a full out lie, and everyone would follow his lead, because he was sort of their leader in a weird way. He hugged Arthur, “Next time I say it, I think you’ll believe me.”

“Probably not,” Arthur replied.

“Fist,” Merlin replied and watched him wince. “I can break you with one word, good to know.” Merlin was almost whistling as he left. When he got home he had a quick shower, and crawled into bed to watch some netflix on his laptop when facetime started ringing. “Hey fuckbug,” he said after clicking accept. “How are you feeling?”

“Like Percival had to pull turf out of my skin, knee is numb from the icing and the shot he gave it, but things are looking good for Friday.”

“I am glad.” Merlin sank down into his bed, “So they didn’t exactly believe me.”

“I figured, I am sorry.” And Gwaine looked it. “I know here, record me and send it to them! Or I can record a vid saying you are my boyfriend, and post it on my facebook.”

“That could work, but first we need to talk.” Merlin saw Gwaine swallow. “No no, whoa no, not that sort of talk. Arthur raised a reasonable point is all.”

“Not sure I’ve heard you say that about him. And you say a lot about him.”

“Too much?” Will had complained about their being three people in their relationship fairly regularly.

“No,” Gwaine smiled, “not in your bed. Unless he is, in which case, hello Arthur, pleasure to meet you. I am Merlin’s boyfriend, Gwaine.” He even gave an adorable little wave. And he sounded so damn proud when he declared himself Merlin’s boyfriend.

“Arthur argued that he knows me better than anyone, and he probably does. He said that it is in my eyes, that I don’t believe it when I say you are my boyfriend, so it is clearly a lie. And made me realize, that perhaps, just sometimes, I have difficulty believing that you are my boyfriend. That is what is having them not believe. That I don’t believe it. Just a tiny bit.”

“Merlin,” Gwaine was solemn which was an odd look because the man’s lips were always quirked in a bit of a smile. “I pursued you. I was enamoured of you the second I saw you, and you know how I was those first couple weeks.”

“I remember,” Merlin bit his lip. “It was charming.”

“I made a fool of myself to get you to like me.”

“It was charming,” Merlin insisted. “You’ve made a couple mentions in the press. Are you sure you want to publicly come out?”

“Merlin there is a sex tape out there of me in bed with a man.”

“And some women. No one has ever suggested that you were there because of the guy.”

“I’ve never particularly hidden I’m bisexual. Most of the team knows I am dating a bloke, the managers. They haven’t tried to get me to keep it quiet. It is a zero sum game at this point - they’d get bad press, and they’d get good press. And if it helps you convince your friends, then I will call the BBC right fucking now.”

“I love you,” Merlin whispered. 

“I’m really fucking sunk on you, doc.”

“Not done yet, can’t call me Doc until it is conferred upon me. Respect the process, Gwaine.”

“So, want me to book an interview?”

“No, I want them to believe me because I tell them, not because of empirical evidence. We’ll just arrange another pub night.” Merlin grinned. “Percival said we couldn’t fuck, but did he say anything about an on camera wank?”

“He did not,” Gwaine put his laptop beside him, and shoved his trackies down. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do, Merls.”

Merlin did exactly that.

*  
The next pub night got canceled completely because of a power outage.

The one after that, accident on the highway delayed the team bus and Gwaine tried calling, but the phone cut out. 

The next time, Gwaine got stuck in a lift for six hours. 

The next next time, Merlin walked into the bar and just looked at all his friends, “I’m not even going to say.” He started to leave, but there were pleas to stay.

“Come now, come now, what is the excuse that ‘Gwaine’ gave this time?” Elyan teased.

“He is currently in A&E getting a few stitches because an alpaca bit him on the ass,” Merlin sat down, “Which you know what? Feel absolutely free to not believe me on that one. Because I barely believe it myself.” He groaned and put his head on the table. “Seriously, he had a teammate take a picture and send it to me. My boyfriend got bitten on the ass by an alpaca at a children’s charity event at a petting zoo.”

“Don’t they have flat teeth? How would it break skin?” Lancelot frowned a bit. “Seriously, how did it even happen?”

“Honestly, Gwaine is a bit of a disaster. I love him, but this is the exact type of thing that would happen to him.” Merlin looked up at them. “Arthur, I’m dating Gwaine Greene, god help me.” There was a flicker on Arthur’s face. “There, there was something different.”

“You weren’t lying,” Arthur agreed.

“Yes!” Merlin cheered, “So you believe me, finally?” It had been almost a month and nothing.

“No,” Arthur said slowly. “I need to think about this.”

“I will take it,” Merlin was pleased, they were closing in on the truth. It was enough. “He’s been having some brilliant games hasn’t he?”

“Chelsea is doing well, they won’t make the championship game this year, were too far back to pull it out, but they are setting themselves up well for next year.”

“I should buy a jersey, with Gwaine’s number on it? That’s a boyfriend thing to do right?”

“Merlin, if I may offer a small bit of advice - never wear a football jersey,” Morgana was drinking something blood red, maybe it was blood, never could tell. “You would look awful.”

“I’m doing it,” Merlin declared, and he was pleased that the conversation for the rest of the night didn’t focus on him, no pitying glances, no concern. Because they were coming around. Arthur knew he wasn’t lying and next time it would work out.

The next next next time, Gwaine had bloody chicken pox, thanks to an unvaccinated child from the charity event. Merlin was too busy helping his boyfriend to go to the bar to give his excuses, just texted Arthur, and made some canned chicken and stars soup. Gwaine was sitting on his couch miserable and wearing mittens because he had been proven to be unable resist itching. “What to know about how they dealt with chicken pox in the ninth century?” 

Gwaine didn’t look thrilled at gaining that particular bit of knowledge. 

Merlin smiled at him. “Want me to take my shirt off while I feed you your soup?” The was a slow and solemn nod, and Merlin put the soup on the table and pulled the shirt off. Gwaine sat up on the couch and Merlin sat on his lap. “Does this help you feel better?” 

“My dick is itchy,” Gwaine whined. 

“I know, fuckbug, I know, you’ll be having an oatmeal bath later and Percival is bringing over more lotion. You aren’t playing for a couple weeks.”

“But it is almost the end of the season, because we rallied but we aren’t getting past the first round.” Gwaine opened his mouth and Merlin gave him some soup. “They are right, I was a bad money bet.”

“Hey, now,” Merlin tapped the spoon end against Gwaine’s nose. “No one is saying that anymore. You’ve been bloody brilliant. Everyone is talking about how next season Chelsea is going to be the team to beat. Who the hell could anticipate this?” He fed Gwaine some more soup. “You are great, and everything is going to be fine.” Merlin kissed the tip of Gwaine’s nose, nuzzled him. “Ordered your jersey you know.”

“Can’t quite picture you in a jersey, Merlin.”

“What about picturing me only in your jersey?” 

“I will very much picture that in a week or so when everything stops itching. Merlin, if you love me, scratch my back?”

“Because I love you no scratching,” Merlin said. “More?”

“No,” Gwaine made a bit of a face, “food is stupid.”

Fuck, his boyfriend was so damn adorable when sick. He was pouting, actually honest to god pouting and Merlin kissed that lip. “Ice cream?” There was a quick nod and Merlin took the soup to the kitchen and pulled an ice cream sandwich from his fridge. He sighed when he realized they were low fat frozen yogurt ones but it was better than the it was just damn frozen berries on a stick that Arthur usually put in there. Which, actually, it was starting to look bare.

“Hey we might solve this soon, because if you are crashing here for the duration of your sickness, they should be doing a grocery break in, and they’ll see you!” Merlin was pleased with that, only Gwaine wasn’t. He handed Gwaine the treat and sat next to him. “What?”

“They can’t meet me looking like this,” Gwaine whined. “I’m gross.”

“Well to be fair, they are emotionally gross?” Merlin suggested but it didn’t seem to help. “You can’t be that vain. Even covered in a rash, with bloodshot eyes, and snot, and dots of lotion on you, you still look…no I’m sorry, even a man as gorgeous as you looks like shit in these circumstances. But they won’t actually care,” Merlin swore.

“I care,” Gwaine insisted. He cupped Merlin’s face with his mitten covered hands. “They’ll know I’m not good enough for you as it is, and at least if I’m looking decent, I can at least be your decent arm candy.”

Merlin didn’t care about the goo that would transfer to him, and pressed his forehead briefly to Gwaine’s, “Hey, you are plenty good enough for me.”

“Merlin, you are getting your phd, speak four languages -”

“To be fair three of those are mostly dead languages.”

“Four languages, have peer reviewed articles published, and I looked up what that meant and it means a solid deal, and the Museum of London offered you a rather brilliant job when you finish your degree, if you don’t choose to go for a post doc.”

“I’m taking the job, I don’t want to be in school anymore, or think about that sort of teaching. They said I can design a program for when schools come in about medieval medicine and care,” Merlin told him. He had gone in a couple days ago to talk more firmly about the job offer, and it was his upon completion of his phd. “Apparently kids like it when you talk about everything they used to use wee for.”

Gwaine laughed a bit, “But see all that, and I kick a football around, and never even did my A levels. So when I meet them, I want to at least not be fighting the urge to scratch in very unfortunate places.”

“Yeah, you are wrong, but I understand,” Merlin agreed. There was a knock on the door and Merlin was confused. “Who knocks on my door?”

“Most people don’t break in love,” Gwaine pointed out.

“One of the reasons I knew you were right for me, the breaking in. Crime is a sign of love.” There was the knock again. “Weird,” Merlin said and went to the door. “Hey Percival. You can just pick the lock and come on in you know.”

“Why would I know how to pick a lock, Merlin?”

Merlin had sort of assumed anyone in his sphere could just do that, “Weird, but yeah sure, knock away. You have stuff to help Gwaine?”

“I do,” Percival agreed and was holding up a few bags. “Mind if I get the bath ready, I know the best ratios for everything that should help.”

“Of course,” Merlin agreed. He waited for a moment and then Percival came back and just stared at him. “I should have probably cleared out all the succulents from the bath tub?” Percival nodded. “We’re taking this to Gwaine’s flat aren’t we?” There was another nod. “I’ll pack a bag.”

“No, I like Merlin’s flat, mine is boring.” Gwaine was pouting. “It is greige. Why did I buy a place that was greige?”

“Because it has a gorgeous balcony over the river, fuckbug, and tell you what, I’m in the final edits of the dissertation stage. You read it out loud to me so I can hear the mistakes, and I’ll paint a couple of your walls.”

“Best ever.”

“Come on then,” Merlin said and quickly packed a bag and they bundled up Gwaine back to his actual flat that was twice the size of Merlin’s and had a doorman and security and everything. It was really impressive if you cared about that sort of thing. Merlin didn’t but he did like Gwaine’s balcony, and by the time Gwaine was recovered he had mostly not greige walls, a half dozen succulents, and Merlin had two drawers for this things.

*

“I’m sorry, but you really expect us to believe he can’t be here because of clowns?” Lancelot was actually the one to say it. “Merlin, clowns?”

Merlin looked at his phone, “I am quoting directly, _mother fuckers in goddamn clown shoes, I’m going to murder each and every one of them. I swear I am going to make it babe. Oh god they have pie. They have pie Merlin, promise you’ll visit me in jail_. And haven’t heard anything else. I am assuming it is a prank for the end of the season? Teams do that to each other? And they must have learned Gwaine is terrified of clowns.”

“That’s not in any information about him out there,” Arthur was clearly going through that spot in his brain where he stored this sort of information, “Father died early, is the only detail about his past he gives, admits to but deflects on his rather raucous past, charity work, modeling, weird interest in swords, no clowns.”

“See that is the sort of information a boyfriend knows.” His phone vibrated and he checked. “Fuck, Percival says balloon animals have begun, I gotta go. Gwaine is going to be a mess.”

“How are balloon animals scary?” Arthur asked, deeply unimpressed.

“I can make them scary,” Morgana offered.

Gwen just snorted, “Yes, yes, you are the baddest bitch there is, darling.” She looked at Merlin. “Merlin, hasn’t this gone on long enough. We want to support you, but -”

“I know a good doctor,” Lancelot offered. “Helped me a lot.”

Merlin looked at them all. “If I was making it all up, don’t think I’d at least aim for something a little more realistic than my professional footballer boyfriend needs me because he is scared of balloon animals shaped like dogs?” He shook his head. “You know at this point, the delusion is all on your end. Come on, already. Now I have to go rescue my boyfriend before seltzer bottles are broken out.” His phone vibrated. “Fuck, too late. Christ, I’m going to have to fuck him for hours to calm him down now.” 

Merlin stalked off to go deal with the mess.

*

He sat outside the room, and his leg was tapping furiously, and the suit that Arthur had bought him felt all wrong. Gwen’s hand was on his back and Arthur was crouched in front of him. Arthur’s hands were clutching his and reminding him how to breathe.

“Why didn’t I know the answer? Oh god, I didn’t expect questions about Germanic texts. My field of study was England, why they’d bring that up?” He looked at Arthur. “I wasn’t prepared.”

“You were plenty prepared,” Arthur swore. “We’ve all been quizzing you. You were as ready as anybody could have been for a defense. Leon thought you were ready, and you know him, he would not say you were okay if you weren’t, would he?”

“There are always questions as these sorts of things, that are out of left field from your outside reader,” Leon reassured. “It is really common.”

Merlin nodded a bit, and his leg wouldn’t stop tapping. Morgana crouched next to Arthur, “If they don’t pass you, I can commit arson for you.”

“Thank you,” Merlin whispered.

Elyan and Lancelot were against the far wall, quiet but supportive, and they all heard running and looked. The two immediately moved to intercept. “It’s fine,” Merlin told them but they didn’t move. “Oh lord, Arthur do not let them make a scene.”

Arthur stood up and joined the wall. “Will, always a pleasure,” Arthur said, making it clear it wasn’t a pleasure.

“Did I miss it?” Will tried to move around them, but they moved as well. “Oh stop making his bloody dissertation all about you mental lot!” He moved forward and Merlin cleared his throat, and they let him through.

It was probably cruel when Morgana then got in his way. And definitely not right that Merlin sort of enjoyed the panic in Will’s eyes. “I was there when he started the phd, and I want to be here when they call him doctor for the first time.”

Merlin held out a hand and Will sat next to him, hugged him. “No matter everything else, I am proud that you did this, Em.”

“Thanks, Will.”

Will looked at the group and frowned, “Where’s the new bloke?”

“Not here,” Merlin replied.

“Too high and mighty to come to a dissertation defense, busy having his photo taken in underwear?” Will couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. “If I could bloody make it, so could he.”

Merlin wanted to explain that he had expressly told Gwaine not to come, that having him there would be too much pressure. If he failed, he didn’t want Gwaine to see it, not when Gwaine was always so impressed that Merlin was doing this. It had taken a lot to convince Gwaine not to come, and he was not going into that right now. He just shook his head. “Will,” he begged, “please.”

“Yeah and we are the ones making it about us,” Elyan muttered, and there were nods of agreement.

Arthur crossed his arms, “You are leaving now.”

“You don’t get a say,” Will snapped.

Merlin just leaned into Gwen, and ignored all the dick waving going on. He put his hand in his pocket and there was the rock that Gwaine had given him. A supposedly magic rock, that Gwaine had found the day he got the call that he was making his first premiership team. He clutched in and breathed in that Gwen scent. “I told him not to be here,” he whispered against Gwen’s neck. “Use your Gwen power,” he begged.

“If another of you boys opens your mouth again, you will not be dealing with Morgana, you will be dealing with me. Is that understood?” There was a heavy silence that followed Gwen’s words and Merlin smiled a bit. You didn’t fuck with Gwen, not even Arthur.

“Doctor Emrys, would you like to come back in now we have a few things to discuss,” a woman said from the door.

Merlin stood up and went to her. He paused as the words registered, “you said doctor.”

“I did, didn’t I?” she smiled. “Congratulations.”

There was an explosion of noise and Arthur jumped on his back and was kissing him, and then the rest were hugging him, and shouting and soon there were complaints from a few older professors. They even got called hooligans.

Merlin met Will’s eyes and smiled. Will nodded and then walked away without a look back. Merlin appreciated that he came, and knew it was doubtful he’d see Will again. He would have been lost in the moment but then Morgana’s tongue was in his mouth and he reared back. “Oh god, what the fuck, that was so wrong.”

Everyone laughed and Merlin remembered he had to go into the room. It was only twenty minutes but they felt like forever and then he was set free. When he stepped back out, Arthur popped champagne, and Gwen put a crown on his head that she had made special for the day. “I couldn’t have done this without you lot.” He smiled at them, so large, it hurt. “I did it.”

“You did,” Arthur handed him the bottle and Merlin took several slugs. “We are so damn proud of you, Merlin.” There were more cheers and they ran out of the building, and of course Arthur had a huge limo waiting outside and they all piled in, and then there was his favourite Indian restaurant rented out for the night, and he got completely blitzed and they all were also drunk enough that no one even tried to say he was lying when he talked about Gwaine. That was swell.

Arthur had to help Merlin up to his flat, and luckily even fairly drunk Arthur had no problems breaking into Merlin’s flat. “Did I arrange this many plants for you? Huh, can’t remember.”

Merlin blearily looked around his flat and began to cry a bit. “My boyfriend.” It was all the plants that were central to his work, just pot after pot of supposed healing herbs and plants on every surface. “Gwaine is the best boyfriend.” And maybe Gwaine was in his bed. He stumbled to his room, where there was a wrapped gift but no Gwaine. “Boo, no boyfriend.” He poked at the box and the ribbon seemed really difficult to open. “Arthur?”

“Yes,” he could feel hands taking off his shoes.

“Gwaine is a really fucking perfect boyfriend. One day the universe will stop conspiring and you’ll meet him. And you are going to get on your hands and knees and apologize for not believing me. And I will not be gracious. I will be super smug and make you suffer.”

“I’m sure you will.” He felt a throw being tossed over him, and a kiss to his forehead. “Now that the stress of the dissertation is over, I bet this will all fade away.”

“Smug. Righteous and smug. Gwaine said I can’t force you to say it in skywriting. But I might. Call me doctor, Arthur. It will make it feel real.”

“Sleep well, Doctor Emrys,” Arthur said and there was a squeeze to his ankle and Arthur was gone. Merlin rolled over and hugged the box Gwaine had left. He’d open it in the morning. When he woke he felt vile, but also that he was hugging something warm. 

“Gwaine?”

“Next day, I assumed I was allowed to be here, Merlin.”

“That’s Doctor to you.”

“Well now think of all the fun we can have with that,” Gwaine teased. “After you brush your teeth because you smell disgusting.”

Merlin yawned and laughed as Gwaine groaned and rolled away. He went to the bathroom and returned smelling better. “Love the plants.”

“I am glad.”

He sat and opened the package and inside was a tweed blazer with elbow patches. He giggled at that. “I said having one of these was a necessity of having such a stodgy phd.”

“I remembered.” Gwaine was smiling at him. “You are so brilliant.”

“I did okay.”

“More than,” Gwaine swore. “Now, doctor, it hurts right here.” He palmed his cock and winked.

“Well now, I should probably give you a thorough go over,” Merlin said and pushed Gwaine down. Day one of being a doctor was shaping up brilliantly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it starts with a little gwaine pov before switching back to merlin.
> 
> inspiration for a certain aspect of the chapter https://www.instagram.com/p/CCMWSzFlIlO/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Gwaine wasn’t quite whistling as he walked down the street, but it was close. The shoot for Burberry had been canceled, and Chelsea was still on vacation for another month. He was completely free for the rest of the day, and he had plans to surprise Merlin. Man was exhausted from his new job. Museum was a lot different from his work from the last couple years; he was loving it but tired as fuck.

Gwaine texted Merlin asking if he could surprise the man for when he got home.

_What sort of surprise_

**Good food, cooked by yours truly, and I’ll only be wearing an apron**

_No shrimp or parsley and the apron better have a frilly edge_

**Done, done, and done**

Gwaine pocketed his phone, and realized that he was almost at the grocery store near Merlin. Excellent. He couldn’t cook a lot of fancy food, and Merlin would hate that anyways, but he knew a couple recipes that would please the man. He grabbed a basket and hummed a bit as he sorted produce. He wasn’t going to go too hard on the healthy stuff, he had seen the man’s fridge and Arthur had been worried about Merlin’s cholesterol recently, so there had been only vegetables, lean turkey bacon, and boiled chicken left for Merlin. 

Perhaps some curry chips, or no, his nan’s potatoes that you will be happy to have died eating. He texted his mum to make sure that he had it remembered right and while he waited he got the ingredients he knew for sure. She confirmed what he remembered and suggested that a proper serving would kill Merlin, and he was not allowed to die before she met him.

Gwaine was a little terrified of if Ashling Greene and Hunith Emrys ever actually met. But he supposed they would when he and Merlin got married. Not that he was thinking about their wedding already.

The colour scheme was green for all the plants Merlin adored. He wondered if Merlin would be down for them hyphenating Mr and Mr Merlin and Gwaine Emrys-Greene sounded really fucking great. 

He went to the check out and bought yet another reusable bag, and a kid recognized him, flipping out shouting Mum, mum, lookit. Gwaine stopped and high fived the kid, and let the mum take a photo of the two of them. Gwaine looked at the little cafe attached to the shop and thought the walk to Merlin’s flat would go so much better with a latte. He got in line and paused.

He knew the woman two in front. Not personally, but he had heard so many stories and details about her, and there were photos of her on Merlin’s mantle, because his boyfriend was the sort who absolutely put photos of his family up all over his flat. Gwaine tried not to bounce too hard at finally meeting one of the family. He checked his phone and thought he looked pretty decent, not sweaty, nothing in his teeth. Gwaine took a few deep breaths. He met new people all the time. He had once met some of the lesser royals. Now granted he hoped the whole monarchy would fuck off forever but he had managed not to call them colonizing scum so really that had been a win. And meeting Merlin’s family was a lot more important than someone who was 10th in line to a bullshit and useless throne.

When she moved to the side to wait for the drink, he was absolutely sure it was her. He waited and put in his order and then moved closer. He would stay absolutely cool.

“Friend Gwen, at last,” he said far too loudly and hugged her, hitting her in the bum with the bag of potatoes. Fuck this was probably creepy. He quickly stepped away. “Yes, well, hello.” He waved a bit. “Brilliant isn’t it?”

She clearly took a few steps back, so he guessed he was even creepier than he thought. Great, now he’d never get to have those succulent centerpieces where everyone got to take one of the little fellas home. “Umm, I think you have me mistaken for someone else.”

“No I don’t. Merlin goes on about you. All of you, but he clearly adores you as someone special. Fuck, I really hate that it has taken me this long to meet someone from Merlin’s family.” Gwaine beamed at her and shook his hair out of his eyes. “When he is sleepy he calls you his queen, it is so adorable. Can see why though. There is something very noble about you. Bugger, hand shaking, right. Sorry, I was prepared to meet you on mass, not one on one. But starting with you is actually perfect. Oh, and you can confirm for me. Right now, texture wise, crispy potatoes, nice meaty gravy with stout, mushrooms, carrots, are all good texture wise yeah?”

“He still is on his carrots are for rabbits not humans argument.”

“Right thanks, well they were a side so we could pretend to be healthy,” Gwaine nodded. “Thanks. Really so great to meet you.” Gwaine rocked on his heels and stared at her. She looked lost. Shit, he hadn’t actually done it right. He held out his hand. “Sorry, again, Gwaine Greene, Merlin’s boyfriend.” She held out hers but didn’t connect. Must be lost in designing crowns for Morgana. Gwaine politely shook her hand. “Your coffee is up.”

He smiled and tried to look affable, and not accidentally creepy. “Oh wait, do you know where I could buy a frilly apron?”

“Few doors down, a vintage shop that sometimes has stuff like that,” she said. “Gwaine Greene.”

“Yes?”

“Merlin’s boyfriend.”

“That is my pleasure and honour, yes,” Gwaine grabbed his coffee and gave her a nod. The store didn’t have a frilly one, but a red polka dot with matching hat so that would be good enough. He broke into Merlin’s flat and set up to make Merlin the best comfort food ever, and he made sure to be wearing nothing but the apron and hat.

*

Merlin was sitting at his table and trying not to laugh. Gwaine really had cooked for him and was wearing nothing but an apron. Merlin had stolen the matching hat and then laugh came out because Gwaine carrying a huge skillet of potatoes covered in gravy in oven mitts with his bare arse just right there was too perfect.

“Next time we are adding pearls, and you must have a cocktail ready when I walk in the door,” Merlin teased.

Gwaine’s eyes gleamed, “Yes, I’ll buy a new apron even with the mad money you give me, of course.”

“Of course,” Merlin said. “What is this?”

“My nan’s recipe for you had a shit day, and we don’t have a lot of money.”

“My mum has a few of those also.” Merlin looked at the skillet. “Looks brilliant.” He watched Gwaine carefully put it down on a stack of towels since Merlin didn’t own a trivet. “How do you eat it?”

“Well, a civilized person would put it on some plates,” Gwaine fished out two forks from the pocket of the apron. “But to hell with civilization.”

Merlin took the fork and dug in, and it was brilliant. It was rich and buttery and meaty and boozy, and wait that was a lot of stout flavour. “Your nan made this for you when you were a kid?”

“Alcohol cooks off.”

“This much booze?”

“It was basically kid ambien. I was…active a lot.”

Merlin snorted. “I bet.” They ate and Merlin told Gwaine about his day. “This is so good Gwaine.”

“Can’t eat it during the season, there is an obscene amount of butter on those potatoes,” Gwaine leaned over the table a bit,k and took a huge forkful. “Made dessert too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Well I bought whip cream, you can put on me wherever you like.”

“Ew, food and body hair, no.” Merlin shuddered a bit. “We’ll just eat whipped cream and then fuck.” He leaned forward and thought kissing above the potatoes was actually quite romantic. He heard the scrape of one of his friends breaking in and didn’t think anything about it really, he was too busy kissing Gwaine.

“Ahhh, that is a naked ass. There is a naked ass right there!”

“A quite nice one actually.”

“Merlin didn’t have a psychotic break, he is dating Gwaine Greene. That’s a relief.”

“I am the worst friend ever for not believing him.”

“Interesting stitches on his thigh, likely a resident on hour 31.”

“Can I have some of that it smells great?”

“Sorry, I am fantastic but I am only Merlin’s.”

“Elyan means the potatoes,” Merlin said and looked around Gwaine and saw all of his friends there staring in various levels of shock, and Arthur turned around to avoid seeing any nudity. “And yeah, go ahead.”

Elyan sat and stole Merlin’s fork and dug in. “Well, this is brilliant.”

“Merlin,” Gwen stepped forward and was almost crying, “I am sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Merlin had to hurry over and hug her. “Shh, it is okay. It is all good.”

“Why aren’t you mad? We didn’t believe you. You are our friend, and we should have believed you. Taken you at your word.”

“No, it sounded too absurd to be believed,” Morgana shrugged completely unrepentant. “Look at that man, look at Merlin. It was statistically unlikely.”

“I did have Mithian do data analysis, and she said there was a solid 27% Merlin was telling the truth.” Leon moved forward and smiled at Gwaine. “Hello, I used to play a bit of ball, actually put together a bit of a Sunday team with people from the company.”

“Leon had a shot at pro,” Merlin said, and watched Leon flush a bit at that.

“It was a long shot I would have been back up to back up.”

“Even getting that far is impressive. Love to play with you, someday.” Gwaine put his hands in the apron pockets. “So, Leon, Elyan is eating the potatoes, Morgana is she of the cold eyes and perfect lipstick, already met Gwen. Lancelot, the stitches were from an encounter with a fence that was not as easy to hop over as I expects and that leaves Arthur.” Gwaine moved over and hugged him. “Hello.”

“Merlin, your naked man is hugging me. Why is he hugging me? Merlin, stop the naked stranger from hugging me.”

“He’s just happy to finally meet you, I talk about you a lot.” Merlin thought it was really cute, although everyone kept staring at Gwaine’s arse. “Gwaine? How about you let go of Arthur and put on some pants?”

“Oh right. Of course. Bit crass to meet your family only wearing an apron. Back in a titch.” Merlin watched Gwaine head to the bedroom not caring if they stared but hell his ass has been on billboards so really what did he care. Merlin laughed so loudly when Gwaine came back, still in the apron but with boxers on underneath. “There we go. Now then, hello everyone. I am Gwaine and I am Merlin’s boyfriend, now for a few months. Sorry the universe insisted we didn’t meet until today. But everything for a reason and in its time right? Arthur, we need to talk about the turkey bacon. I am with you that Merlin does need to eat a vegetable or two, but that is a bridge too far mate.”

“This is real,” Elyan put the fork down. “He didn’t like buy you, or do a weird adult make a wish thing?”

“Of course it is real, you numpty,” Merlin glared at him. “Gwen is the only apology I really have heard. Especially considering Arthur knew at a certain point I wasn’t lying.”

“You weren’t lying, but I thought it was like your father thing, during your masters.”

Merlin winced, he hadn’t exactly told Gwaine about that. Gwen came over and hugged him. “I had a stress breakdown during my M.A. ended up hallucinating that my father was around. Turned out I was having these really particular migraines. I now have some meds for them. Don’t need them a lot.” He looked at Gwaine and felt a bit helpless. He was fine now, but it hadn't been great, and he wondered if that had played a part in why they didn't quite believe him.

Gwaine came over and kissed his temple. “You never have to hide your crazy from me, I am okay with it.”

Arthur growled a little bit, “Don’t call him crazy.”

“Arthur, stop,” Merlin ordered. “We are not getting sidetracked from what is the truly important thing here. Which is I was right and you were wrong, and now I get to be smug. There is a book.” He went to his tiny living room and pulled a journal off the shelf. “I have been working on this for months.”

“Oh lord,” Gwaine sighed and sat on the couch and Merlin let himself be pulled into Gwaine’s lap. “I thought we agreed that your crawl on your knees journal was a bit much.”

“Get on board or get out.” Merlin smiled a bit as Gwaine’s arms tightened around his waist. “Right, I will agree with Gwaine though, that the skywriting is not environmentally friendly and we can skip that aspect of the apology.” Merlin flipped a few pages. “I have decided the perfect apology each of you can give me for spending months not believing me, from various levels of I was bullshitting to full mental breakdown.”

He had actually spent an absurd amount of time on this, doing it up in calligraphy when he decided on the appropriate punishment. “Morgana, since there is no way you’ll actually apologize, all I ask is that you don’t set Gwaine as the fall man for any crime you commit. Ever.” He looked up and Morgana looked annoyed. “Morgana, no pinning any crimes on my boyfriend.”

“Fine,” she muttered. She was scowling but Gwen’s hand on her neck soothed the furrow in her brow.

“Elyan, say you are sorry and promise that when Morgana fails at her promise, you will use your pull with Scotland Yard to get them to realize Gwaine is innocent.”

Elyan snorted at that, “Yeah can do. I am sorry. To be fair, I just sort of assumed it was all an extremely long prank on Arthur.”

“Fair,” Merlin agreed. “Leon, an apology and a promise to teach me about football because learning on my own I just keep falling asleep.”

“Next season, we’ll get you in the WAG section if you like,” Gwaine offered.

“Thanks babe that’s sweet. What’s a WAG?”

“No,” Arthur snapped, “They’ll eat him alive.”

“What are they?” Merlin looked at everyone. “Oh wait, there is a telly show. You want me to sit with the girlfriends!”

“Well I want you to sit with the wives, but I know that is moving a bit too fast.”

Merlin pressed his forehead to Gwaine’s. “Oh fuckbug, you are such a nerd for me.”

“I am.”

“God this is gross, and I once walked in on you and Will fucking.” Arthur made a face at that memory. “He’s too old for you.”

“He’s only a few months older than you, you git,” Merlin said, repeating an older argument, “which means he is barely five years older than me. He isn’t.”

“Fine, he’s too insert whatever you want there.”

“Lancelot, an apology if you please.”

“I am terribly sorry, Merlin. I was concerned that perhaps things had gone incredibly poorly when Will broke up with you - and oh shit, you really did break up with Will didn’t you?”

“Yup,” Merlin smiled. “Like I said that one doesn’t really matter.” He flipped the page. “Gwen, you already said sorry, and you’ll be taking this the hardest of anyone, so I would like you to make a crown for Gwaine. For reasons that you don’t need.”

“Oooh role playing king and loyal servant?” Gwaine looked incredibly pleased with the thought. “I am down for that. Sitting around in a crown and nothing else. You offering to see to my needs and then we -”

“Good lord, are you two always this horny for each other?” Arthur was looking pained. “Merlin, I am sorry that this cad has besmirched your honour, and if you would like I can attend to the problem.”

“What is that about?”

Merlin leaned back against Gwaine, “when upset he just gets weirdly formal. It is a thing. See he is mad that the didn’t believe me, but he can’t actually admit his feelings, because he is the ur typical repressed British Man TM. See, watch, this it is fun. Arthur, I love you and forgive you.”

“Oh fuck off with all of that,” Arthur went and sat across from them. “What does your stupid list say I have to do before you start crying or something?”

“Huh, that much repression in the twentieth century is a bit impressive.”

“He is all about acts of love, because he can’t say them. Hence breaking in with healthy food, likely trying to bribe you to break up with me before you can hurt me because you’ll get bored of being with a nerd like me.”

“Won’t,” Gwaine buried his face against Merlin’s neck, “Never.”

“I know but Arthur doesn’t, not yet. So he’s going to be a dick to you for the next six months.”

“Eight probably, he still is pissed that Will didn’t love you like he should have, like we did but with sex.”

“Gwen, no mentioning all of us and Merlin and sex in a sentence.”

Merlin smiled. “Fist.” Arthur paled. “Now Arthur, it is very simple. You will look me in the eye and say that I was right and you were wrong, that in fact you don’t know everything about me, and will completely leave me alone to run my own life for three whole months.” Arthur just crossed his arms and glared. “Or if that single sentence is too hard for your to say, you can of course rent all of us a vineyard getaway in…Italy or France, fuckbug?”

“Hmm, Italy,” Gwaine replied.

“One sentence or you pay for the whole group to stay at a vineyard for ten days where we all bask in sun, food, alcohol and some swimming. There should be a pool there too. One simple little sentence, or about 30,000 quid family vacation?” Merlin looked at Arthur and waited. The whole room was quiet and gazes moved between the two. “Go on, Arthur, say it. Even make it easier for you. All you have to do is say Merlin, you were right.”

Merlin waited very comfortable on Gwaine’s lap.

*  
“He does look rather spectacular in his bathing costume and the crown.”

“Gwen, you did remarkable work on that.” Merlin was under the biggest sun umbrella that man had ever created because Arthur had complained about how quickly he burned and made sure the villa would provide plenty of shade by the pool. Gwaine was currently taking his life into his hands by grabbing Morgana and diving into the pool. “Well at least his obit will be amusing. Death by a goth queen.” Elyan was swimming laps, and Lancelot was reading a pulpy romance book. Arthur had gone inside to deal with buying a car company or something, and Leon and Mithian had gone off for a tour of some old ruins. Merlin had debated going but that would have meant putting on shoes, and he hadn’t done that in three days. “Enjoying the vacation?”

“You did this on purpose. You knew Arthur would never say that you were right.”

“Of course I did, we all needed the break.” Merlin yawned and stretched. “He thinks he knows everything about me, ha! I know everything about him. And this is all sorts of great.”

“It is,” Gwen agreed. She stood up and did a clean dive into the pool and stopped Morgana from drowning Gwaine. Merlin watched them all swim about and fell into a light doze, smell plants and the cocktail he was drinking since he didn’t actually like wine. He had just thought a vineyard would be fun. He heard someone sit next to him, and waited because he could tell easily who it was.

“You were right, and I am sorry. At first I also thought you were just trying to prank me, about something, but I couldn’t figure out what. And then when I knew you weren’t lying I was scared that it was another break. Figured once you finished the phd we’d get you back to better.”

“Only it turned out to be real,” Merlin watched Gwaine get out of the pool and go sit next to Lancelot. They were talking low and Merlin couldn’t quite make out the words until the stood and moved to the side. They started doing some weird joint yoga thing, and Merlin was stunned. “Huh.”

“What are they doing?” Arthur frowned. “Is that…obscene?”

“No it is partner yoga, oh Lancelot is holding Gwaine up. Well, fuck,” Merlin tilted his head and watched them. It was a damn good sight. He looked over and Arthur was clearly trying not to watch. “I love you, you idiot.”

“Shut up. He really make you happy?”

“He does,” Merlin swore. He glanced over and they were doing downward dog, and it made Merlin think many different things. “He is great, Arthur. So give him a chance?”

“I will, Gwen likes him, and she is a good judge of character, loving Morgana aside,” Arthur said. “But Merlin, he is scared of clowns? Really, that is what you choose?”

“You are scared of snails so shut up.” Gwaine was headed in his direction. “Hey, fuckbug, wanna go have a nap?”

“Oh lord, at least this nap close your damn window,” Arthur muttered. He stripped his shirt off and cannonballed into the pool.

“We going to close the window, Gwaine?”

Gwaine reached down, and Merlin found himself tossed over the man’s shoulder. “Nope,” he said.

Merlin ignored the whistles and groans from his friends. “Brilliant.” There room was perfect, and the bed soft, and they napped after until almost supper time. When Merlin opened his eyes, Gwaine was holding a key up. “What’s that?”

“My place, has more plant room?”

“I’m not moving in with you after just a few months,” Merlin said. “That seems like a stupid idea.”

“I have a doorman and security. Think the fridge could be stocked with only the foods you want.”

“I will pack the second we get home.”

*  
Three months later, Gwaine was eating granola with coffee poured over it and reading the team notes for the week, and Merlin was eating Tim Tams, barely awake yet. Arthur walked into the kitchen with three grocery bags. “Really? I have almond milk, I’ll make you a fresh bowl.”

Gwaine looked at him. “How’d you get in?”

“Please,” Arthur snorted, “I bought the building the minute he said he was moving in with you. Can tell you we are ordering new locks for everyone, yours is shit, barely took me forty five seconds. Now for fucks sake Merlin eat a banana with that at least. What is your potassium like?”

“I went down on Gwaine when we woke up, there potassium in come?” Merlin yawned and ran a hand through his hair.

“Just for that, you can put the groceries away yourself. Gwaine, I bought everyone seasons tickets so we’ll all be there. Not cheering for you, just to make sure you do a good job and maintain Merlin in succulents.”

“Love you too, princess.”

“Princess?”

“You fuss like one.”

“I am not wearing your jersey.”

Merlin threw a tim tam at Arthur. “Yes, you will, we all will. Gwen and Morgana will make them decently fashionable.” Merlin tilted his head when Gwaine and Arthur shared the same look of horror. “What?”

“You don’t make jerseys fashionable. You wear the shitty polyester as is,” Arthur explained slowly. “Really, Merlin. You disappoint me. But again we aren’t there to cheer for you, Gwaine.”

“No, of course not,” Gwaine smiled and ate more of his granola and coffee.

Arthur just huffed and left.

“I like him,” Gwaine said. 

“One of the 209 reasons I love you,” Merlin said, “That you actually mean that.” 

“Only 209? Catch up, I’m at 327.” Gwaine kissed him. “Shower and go to work.”

“Have fun kicking a ball around,” Merlin agreed and a minute later heard the front door close. He showered and went to work and had a great day.

And the next home game, there were all in the second row near where Gwaine mostly commonly was, all of them in his jersey, even Morgana.

Because his friends were fucking idiots, but they were supportive ones. He watched Gwaine play and still didn’t understand a lick of it, but Leon told him when Gwaine did good and when it was the break or intermission thing, Gwaine jogged over and crooked his finger. A nudge from Gwen had him going down and leaning over the wall. Gwaine jumped up and kissed him. The crowd around them roared. His friends most of all.

Merlin didn’t give a fuck about the game, but watching Gwaine play was brilliant and that night he sat on Gwaine’s lap in their bed. “Fuckbug?”

“Hmm?”

“Did I ever tell you how glad I am you hit on me?”

“Can always tell me again.”

And Merlin happily did so.  



End file.
